That’s if mum ever gets off her laptop and takes me out, that is! I’m only having the three walks a day at the moment, and the other day she swanned off to London to work for heat magazine and left me alone ALL day with only a visit from the dogwalker. Furious – as Closer magazine’s Pet of The Week I really shouldn’t be treated like this

In a few hours I’m off to Bristol with my two favourite ladies in the whole world, Hels and Sam. We’re having massages at The Lido, a totally wicked townhouse that has been converted into a spa, then off to meet my sis Ali for dinner. How nice. In between all the pampering and wine quaffing, I am somehow going to have to find time to prepare my speech for the Cowbridge Book Festival next week. A dazzling array of Welsh talent will be speaking there and randomly, Alistair Campbell. Old Campo was very vocal in slagging off heat a few years ago, so could make for an interesting evening…

Do you think I’m becoming a bit obsessed or something? Loving the pics of the Middleton clan in their bikinis in today’s News of The World (from 2007, when Wills still had hair). Everyone’s banging on about P Middy’s bottom still, but for me it’s all about Carole. What is she, 50? The woman looks utterly amazing in a bikini!! Even with the magnifying glass pressed to my laptop screen I couldn’t see an inch of cellulite. Not that you need the money Carole, but bring out a workout DVD and you would CLEAN UP.

Have finally found a pair on ASOS that don’t make me look like I’ve got giant carrots for legs, huzzah!