Cor, bloody good wasn’t it? The hats! The romance! The Queen’s colour blocking! Pippa Middleton’s bottom! Not normally a big fan of weddings, I loved loved LOVED it. After hoovering up every detail on telly, I went round the corner to my friend’s street party. “Only the one white wine,” I said. “I’ve got to work later.” Groan…. cue karaoke in my local at midnight and stalking Charlotte Church round the pub garden. Now i have a very sore head, but it’s been eased slightly by the sixteen thousand newspapers I’ve bought for Kate and Wills coverage. I am in severe withdrawal now though. They can’t spring the most wonderful, romantic, proud-to-be-British day on us and then take it away again goddamit! I need more!

Are you up and watching? Will Chelsy Davy have overdone the fake tan? Is Posh hat’s going to block out the sun? Not long to wait…

I’d fit very nicely in the Queen’s handbag and mum would be sooo jealous I’d got an invite. There’s still time to get through on the dog and bone… (sorry)

I heard a radio discussion earlier about how patriotic bunting is “propaganda”. How ridiculous! If you can’t get the old flags out for a royal wedding, what can you do? Totes rah! Let’s hear it for the red, white and blue stuff!

Man, I am so excited about the big day! My stomach is turning over so much I keep forgetting I’m not the one getting hitched. There’s too much to take in! Will Kate lose even more weight overnight? Will Posh and Becks turn up late and block the Queen in with their Bentley? And what about Kate’s bro James, poor sod, who is being dragged out of obscurity to do a reading for his sister’s wedding in front of two billion people. Apparently the couple themselves are trying to “block out the terror” of saying their nuptials in front of half the world’s population. As long as Wills keeps the kiss clean, I think they’ll be OK.

The other half and I did a castle tour of west Wales today with our friends Michelle and Jenky. This is me, M&J atop a craggy rock, while Joe did wondrous things with his sepia app. What do you think to my Westlife inspired album pose?  I’d like to say I was contemplating all sorts of intellectual theories but it was more likely I was thinking about what to put in my picnic bap when we went to Morrison’s afterwards.

Not someone having the hump, but as in that’s OFFISH. The official, totes lowdown, you heard it here first etc.

The best royal mug out there, offish. I’ve got one of these bad boys topping my birthday list

… six adults, three children and one dog, all in a blossom-filled garden on the Gower. Perfection.

As a lover of all things tack, I tweeted yesterday I was getting rather excited about William and Kate: The Movie. The more clips I saw the more I laughed out loud. “He’s just a guy” (Kate). “She’s HOT” (Wills) “Woah! Keep your legs firmly together!” (Camilla lookalike to Kate as she gets out of a car.) Who wrote the script, Paris Hilton? Anyway, who cares if they’ve all got American accents? Who cares if the red buses drive on the wrong side of the road because the whole thing was shot on location in LA? The so-bad-it’s-amazingly-good is already been hailed as a future cult classic.

“Awful, toe-curlingly, teeth-furringly, pillow-bitingly ghastly,” says the Guardian. I’m definitely watching it then.